Mai Pen Rai

I love living in Thailand, surrounded by beautiful rural scenery, with visits back to our condo in Bangkok two or three times a year to give me a fix of city life. I have been lucky to meet and marry a wonderful lady from a good family. I have worked to understand our cultural differences. But the ‘mai pen rai’ mentality is something I’m always likely to struggle with.

What is Mai Pen Rai?

In broad terms, mai pen rai means "don't worry", "it's okay", or "no problem". Not a bad philosophy to have, you might think, until it is said to you when there are things to worry about, at least being brought up as a Westerner.

What's the Plan?

At times, it also seems to influence the approach to planning. There often appears to be little thought given to eventualities. I've often wondered whether this is one reason so many small businesses seem to open and close so quickly. Sometimes little thought seems to have gone into location, competition or long-term financial viability.

It never fails to amaze fellow farangs who see a nice café open, only for others offering the same to appear on its doorstep. The same applies to 7-Elevens. It is not unusual for a relatively small street to have 2 or 3 of the establishments close to each other. 

Because one has been successful, other ‘entrepreneurs’ buy a franchise and open nearby, thinking that they too will make a profit without considering the customer base they are diluting.

A lack of planning is probably what drives me mad more than anything else. Unfortunately for me, I plan meticulously. I like to know what I'll be doing on a particular day and how I'll go about it. I’m fortunate to be in a good relationship, but sometimes I want to scream when things are agreed to when I have planned things well in advance.

I know that Thais are very precious about not wanting to lose face, but I don’t particularly like to look like a fool either. 

What's Going On?

I often find family days out testing when we're taking others along. I don’t understand most of what’s being said and can easily misinterpret what I think I have worked out. Off we go with me thinking I know where we’re going, and then we end up somewhere different, or another place is added into the itinerary.

During our tour of Thailand and Laos, there were moments when I felt as though I'd been politely abducted. Not a problem. I know I’ll be outvoted anyway, and I will have fun. After all, locals are more likely to know the good places than my guesswork. It’s just that I would prefer to be kept in the loop. 

Perhaps it's linked to Thailand's respect for hierarchy, where people are often reluctant to question those above them. I notice this with football over here, something that put a real bee in my bonnet in the weeks before I penned this piece.

Football Frustrations

Trying to get information out of a football club when they don't want to share it is like getting blood out of a stone. In this instance, there are all kinds of rumours doing the rounds that Sisaket United will not be able to play games in their own stadium. The city also hosts the home games of Rasisalai United.

The city has successfully bid to host the King's Cup international football tournament in a few months, featuring Thailand and three other nations. A great honour. The stadium needs upgrading. That means Rasi needs a new venue until the work is completed, while it may also involve Sisaket United, whose stadium might also need renovation and could be shut.

Both teams were promoted to the top division last season. Everyone was looking forward to big clubs coming to play, with the passionate crowds offering home advantage. That could well disappear. The fact that the stadium wasn’t upgraded first, and that nobody is willing to tell the supporters what is happening, makes me want to pull out the remaining strands of hair I have left. It's my big day out each week, and the thought of losing it genuinely worries me.

Frustration for a Foreigner

I mention any of this to my good lady. Mai pen rai. I will be heading to Chiang Mai in November to help assist in the running of another cricket tournament. Inevitably, some requests will be overlooked or ignored by the locals. Their answer when the farangs are losing the will to live? Mai pen rai.

Buses don’t turn up when they’re meant to. Mai pen rai. Events are cancelled without any communication. Mai pen… Oh, forget it. I think you get the picture.

During an interview for Pete's excellent Thairish Times YouTube Channel, he asked whether I worried about developing something like dementia in later life and seeing my savings disappear. Now, while that could be seen as a dark question, it has happened to others.
While I'd never make light of dementia or the suffering it causes families, I replied I wouldn’t be bothered as I wouldn’t know what was going on. And I think that’s the best way to deal with mai pen rai. 

Nothing I do will ever change the Thai way of looking at things. And at the end of the day, they always seem to find a way to get by. Maybe they’re right, and we worry far too much. I just need to find the medicine that makes me think in the same way.

If you enjoyed this story, feel free to check out my YouTube Channel, where I share videos about everyday life in Thailand, local football, and travel across the country.

Thanks for reading.